(I promised to say ‘hello’ to somebody: ‘hi Anne! Hope you are having a good time :)’ )
“You’re always ahead of the game
I drag behind
You never get caught in the rain
When I’m drenched to the bone every time”
Brian Molko
For some reason, I have been thinking about my ex-best-friend today. We met each other about ten years ago and became best pals two years later. You know, the kind of Friend that is supposedly forever. I thought she was the only person in my life that, no matter what, always stuck up for me, was always there and always... “Always” seems to be an overused word. I would do anything for this girl; I would jump off the cliff if she’d wanted me to. And expected her to love me equally. We would have the best of times together, spending nights drinking cheap wine in the park, pulling random blokes, dancing to cheesy dance music in the pinkest and most wonderful gay club in the world in our black jumpers and grinders, having never-ending conversations about life, writing and reading poetry, falling in and out of love with all the wrong people, rescuing each other from shit over and over again... This list can go on and on and on... I loved her as I have never ever loved anybody else and I would never be able to love anybody in the same way. I could trust her entirely, and she knew she could trust me...
And then I left my home country (long before the rest of the nation left!!). She stayed. I had to start being an adult. She was free to carry on with the life I use to lead. Lovely, colourful, eventful, poetic life. I had to step down and earn money, started building a family; your normal boring life. I have changed. She stayed the way we used to be. I think the word that describes it the best is ‘young’.
We still talked on the phone and wrote letters. One year I went to visit her. I realised something. I used to be addicted to her. She was my “boss” and I clung to her because I was scared she’d leave me. In our relationship, everything was about her. I was being dragged behind. But I grew up. And I learnt how to live on my own. And then we met again. And she didn’t like it. We were pass arguing. Beyond understanding. In one second everything was lost. She is proud, I am stubborn. We will never be friends again.
If somebody had said to me five years ago that that’s how we were going to end up, I would have laughed in their face and tell them to never say stupid things like that.
Looks like stupid things happen.
I have never talked to anybody about what has really happened and what was the true reason to my decision of ending this toxic relationship. She has. I have heard a lot of things about me that can hurt more than an android falling on your head. Makes me cry in a silent, non-believing kind of way. When you can’t understand, can’t do anything, “can’t move a muscle or a cell”...
So... These things happen to good people too then? Heh...
Hey P., if you ever come across this note, listen to this song, please:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nS0W99z2kfI&mode=related&search=
I’m medicated, how are you?...
“You’re always ahead of the game
I drag behind
You never get caught in the rain
When I’m drenched to the bone every time”
Brian Molko
For some reason, I have been thinking about my ex-best-friend today. We met each other about ten years ago and became best pals two years later. You know, the kind of Friend that is supposedly forever. I thought she was the only person in my life that, no matter what, always stuck up for me, was always there and always... “Always” seems to be an overused word. I would do anything for this girl; I would jump off the cliff if she’d wanted me to. And expected her to love me equally. We would have the best of times together, spending nights drinking cheap wine in the park, pulling random blokes, dancing to cheesy dance music in the pinkest and most wonderful gay club in the world in our black jumpers and grinders, having never-ending conversations about life, writing and reading poetry, falling in and out of love with all the wrong people, rescuing each other from shit over and over again... This list can go on and on and on... I loved her as I have never ever loved anybody else and I would never be able to love anybody in the same way. I could trust her entirely, and she knew she could trust me...
And then I left my home country (long before the rest of the nation left!!). She stayed. I had to start being an adult. She was free to carry on with the life I use to lead. Lovely, colourful, eventful, poetic life. I had to step down and earn money, started building a family; your normal boring life. I have changed. She stayed the way we used to be. I think the word that describes it the best is ‘young’.
We still talked on the phone and wrote letters. One year I went to visit her. I realised something. I used to be addicted to her. She was my “boss” and I clung to her because I was scared she’d leave me. In our relationship, everything was about her. I was being dragged behind. But I grew up. And I learnt how to live on my own. And then we met again. And she didn’t like it. We were pass arguing. Beyond understanding. In one second everything was lost. She is proud, I am stubborn. We will never be friends again.
If somebody had said to me five years ago that that’s how we were going to end up, I would have laughed in their face and tell them to never say stupid things like that.
Looks like stupid things happen.
I have never talked to anybody about what has really happened and what was the true reason to my decision of ending this toxic relationship. She has. I have heard a lot of things about me that can hurt more than an android falling on your head. Makes me cry in a silent, non-believing kind of way. When you can’t understand, can’t do anything, “can’t move a muscle or a cell”...
So... These things happen to good people too then? Heh...
Hey P., if you ever come across this note, listen to this song, please:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nS0W99z2kfI&mode=related&search=
I’m medicated, how are you?...
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