And there comes the hangover… It’s like being born and giving birth at the same time. My mind is stuck. Can’t move. Little nasty butterflies are speeding round my brain. Pupas are spread all over my intestines, in their tiny disgusting cocoons, laughing at my pain. And I’m laughing at them. Because I can.
There are moments when I can see the light. It’s not bright and it doesn’t call me to come towards it. It’s a dark red light with a smile of Kate Moss advertising the newest teeth product. It’s repelling. It makes one vomit. So when I see it, I try to turn around and run as fast as I can. Run away from the creatures hidden in the light, ones that have something to say. But then again – something might mean anything and anything is pretty much nothing. So they speak… They speak and they even pretend to talk sometimes – rarely. There’s no space for listening, no space for conversation, no space for any emotions, discussions, creativity… I know she had bought a new dress and he spent three hours in front of the mirror. I know they have slept together but it wasn’t as good as she was hoping for. I know that the other one went to Paris and stayed all day in the hotel because they had this really cool TV with all the channels. I know all that and I run away. From the light that’s going to burn my brain.
My soul just came apart. Never mind.
So there is this book. Hardboiled Wonderland and The End of The World. Have you read it yet? Well, you should…
"Should any individual have ever exact, clear knowledge of his own core consciousness?" asks Murakami. That's a Question, isn't it? Have you ever thought how much stuff is going on inside you that you haven't got a clue about? It's hard enough to observe the outside world, it's impossible to watch out for the inside one. Would we be any better humans if we knew? Is our consciousness what they call Soul? I believe that there are worlds created by us in our mind, but I don't know how we create them and what we create. What's the point of this worlds' existence then? Well, maybe our lifes are somebody's worlds, the ones created without any knowledge? Maybe that's what God is. Has He/She/It got a right to destroy us? If He/She/It created us, the most obvious answer would be yes. But then: "I may not be much, but I'm all I've got" You can't build something as beautiful as an alive being and then just slam the door saying 'oops'. I know, I know... That's the way it is - we become - we disappear. But I do not necessarily need to agree with that. That's when my mind goes a bit crazy. When I know what it's like and I know it won't change but I hate the certain. I hate the fact that I know. Would it be easier not to know?...
There are moments when I can see the light. It’s not bright and it doesn’t call me to come towards it. It’s a dark red light with a smile of Kate Moss advertising the newest teeth product. It’s repelling. It makes one vomit. So when I see it, I try to turn around and run as fast as I can. Run away from the creatures hidden in the light, ones that have something to say. But then again – something might mean anything and anything is pretty much nothing. So they speak… They speak and they even pretend to talk sometimes – rarely. There’s no space for listening, no space for conversation, no space for any emotions, discussions, creativity… I know she had bought a new dress and he spent three hours in front of the mirror. I know they have slept together but it wasn’t as good as she was hoping for. I know that the other one went to Paris and stayed all day in the hotel because they had this really cool TV with all the channels. I know all that and I run away. From the light that’s going to burn my brain.
My soul just came apart. Never mind.
So there is this book. Hardboiled Wonderland and The End of The World. Have you read it yet? Well, you should…
"Should any individual have ever exact, clear knowledge of his own core consciousness?" asks Murakami. That's a Question, isn't it? Have you ever thought how much stuff is going on inside you that you haven't got a clue about? It's hard enough to observe the outside world, it's impossible to watch out for the inside one. Would we be any better humans if we knew? Is our consciousness what they call Soul? I believe that there are worlds created by us in our mind, but I don't know how we create them and what we create. What's the point of this worlds' existence then? Well, maybe our lifes are somebody's worlds, the ones created without any knowledge? Maybe that's what God is. Has He/She/It got a right to destroy us? If He/She/It created us, the most obvious answer would be yes. But then: "I may not be much, but I'm all I've got" You can't build something as beautiful as an alive being and then just slam the door saying 'oops'. I know, I know... That's the way it is - we become - we disappear. But I do not necessarily need to agree with that. That's when my mind goes a bit crazy. When I know what it's like and I know it won't change but I hate the certain. I hate the fact that I know. Would it be easier not to know?...
No comments:
Post a Comment